Have you ever thought of an invention but weren’t certain how to make it a reality? Maybe you’ve seen something, like those “As Seen on TV” commercials, that made you think anyone could come up with something revolutionary.
What is a patent anyway and how does someone go about getting it?
Well, you’re not alone with these thoughts of immortality. There have been an insane number of really unusual patents filed over the years.
Here are the 33 weirdest filed patents we’ve dug up.
Animal and Pet Products
Your furry or scaly friends need something a little extra. This category is for you.
- Snake Walker
Have you ever wanted to take your snake for a walk? Now’s your chance to enjoy a summer day in the park without the fear of your snake escaping.
- Dog Ear Protectors
If you’re concerned that your dog’s ears are in danger, this product is for you. We’re not entirely certain what danger could be lurking in the shadows for your dog’s ears, but you don’t need to worry any more.
- Gerbil Shirt
Lacking a leash small enough for your wily gerbil, you could wear a shirt designed for your tiny friend to go out and about. Take your gerbil to school, to work, and to the mall. Visit family and friends. You know your gerbil wants to.
- Dog Chastity Belt
We have to say, spaying and neutering your pets is the responsible thing to do, but we would also be remiss not to show you this invention to prevent unwanted litters in your household.
- Better Mousetrap
Build a Better Mousetrap is not just a saying. Someone really did try to build a better mousetrap. Is it really better? We may never know.
- Automatic Pet Petter
Are you too busy cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking dinner, finishing homework, or playing video games to pet your cat or dog? With this invention, you don’t even need to be home to pet your pup or scratch your kitty.
- Marine Mammal Communication Device
We’re not certain if this is related to the beluga whale recently discovered in Norway who’s believed to be an escaped Russian spy. Did the Russians already win the Marine Mammal war? If only this invention would have gotten more attention.
Food and Food Related Items
Whether your goal is to eat more food or eat less food, check out these food related patents.
- Anti-Eating Face Mask
It’s not just a prop out of the 1995 Brad Pitt horror movie Se7en, this was a real idea that someone had to stop people from eating too much. You don’t need self-control when you have this device.
- Crustless PB&J
Putting this on the list feels a little dirty because crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches actually exist in the wild. You may have some in your freezer right now. They wouldn’t be there if someone hadn’t had the genius to file this patent.
- Banana Protector
Do you have problems with your bananas getting damaged in transport? In spite of having their own protective covering, you may want to reinforce your banana protection with this device.
We are sorry that this invention hasn’t received more attention. Who hasn’t needed to protect their beer from rain? It would change the way to attend outdoor concerts or sporting events, that’s for sure.
- Carry Out Food Container
Wasn’t the clamshell-style food container already invented? In this version, they inventor looked to improve on the concept by adding a layer of wax paper to automatically cover the food inside. We didn’t know that step was difficult.
- Crispy Cereal Server
The truth is, there have been a lot of crispy cereal servers that made their way across the U.S. Patent office desks. This one provides a sort of waterfall effect so only the cereal you’re currently eating will get a dose of milk.
- Motorized Ice Cream Cone
Unevenly eating an ice cream cone can lead to all kinds of heartbreak. Maybe you get a large chocolate stain on your shirt or a big scoop of your favorite flavor lands on the sidewalk just as you try to take a big lick. This will save you from that pain.
Clothing and Accessories
Wearable art or other interesting accessories.
- Kissing Shield
With a very small target audience, this was a proposed invention for politicians who kiss babies. Luckily, it won’t compromise the actual excitement of a real kiss.
- Flatulence Pad
Can you now fart with confidence? You can and no one will be able to smell it. This invention is a pad that goes into your underwear, so you don’t have to worry any more.
- Life Expectancy Watch
Straight out of the dystopian science fiction novel Logan’s Run, now you can keep track of how long you’re expected to live. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
- Combover Hair
Wigs, toupees, or hair transplants would not be the only option for men balding before they’re ready. The combover hair is sure to look completely natural.
- Disposable Boxers
Sometimes you have to throw away your underpants after using them just once. We don’t need to know why, but it’s just good to know it’s an option.
- Deceptive Diaper
Have you ever wanted to disguise a diaper as something else like, say, a chocolate bar? Now you can.
- Leaf Gathering Pants
Don’t spend hours raking your yard in the fall. Somehow, these pants will collect the leaves for you as you take a leisurely stroll.
- Greenhouse Helmet
Is it your dream to grow plants on your head? Now you can. The greenhouse helmet is both fashionable and functional.
- Sledless Sledding Pants
No sled, no problem! Use these pants to slide down a hill on those magical snow days.
Tools for Life Improvement
Sometimes life is just too difficult. It won’t be any more.
- Vibrating Tattoo
If you always miss calls when your phone rings, Nokia had the perfect solution. This tattoo or badge would alert you when you get a call.
- High 5 Machine
Don’t bother high-5-ing your friends on your own. Have your machine do it for you. Bring it to football games for maximum return on investment.
- Hiccup Treatment
Everyone you talk to has their own solution for curing the hiccups. You can join the fun too when you bust out this device.
- Thumb Sucking Inhibitor
Do you want to torture your young children to ensure they no longer suck their thumbs? This should do it.
- Portable Bath Capsule
Do you need to get clean on the go? This stylish and functional portable bath can do that for you.
- Stealth Fly Swatter
Sometimes, sneaking up on the fly is the only way to get it in your deadly slap. Here’s the best way to be stealthy.
With these ones, we just can’t even.
- Portable Nuclear Shield
Do not fear nuclear attack. Protect yourself and very small radius of land with this portable shield.
- Brain Buzzer
Narcolepsy a problem? Or maybe you just stayed up too late binging Netflix and can’t stay awake at your desk at the office or school. Not a problem.
- Improved Human Slingshot
The disturbing part of this patent is not that someone designed a human slingshot. The disturbing part is that someone improved upon and already invented a human slingshot.
- Birth Centrifuge
And, as the final installment, we have a lot of questions about this one. Giving birth has happened pretty much the same way for the entirety of human history, but someone thought they could improve the process by putting mom in a centrifuge. We just can’t.
Some inventions improve our lives while others will remain on the drawing board. Not every idea is going to make it to the mass market, but some will slip by as we wonder what just happened. What strange inventions have you seen or thought of?